Aliens open Taco Bell Franchise
on 10/9/2002 (9)
Sometown, USA is a small town like any other ordinary small town. Everyone knows everyone else and it is not uncommon for cousins to marry, simply for lack of people in the town who are not related. Children sell lemonade in front of their houses, teenagers sell crack on the corner, old folk play checkers on a barrel of pickles in front of the local General Store, and women gossip the days away in the local hair salon. But the quant little town of Sometown, USA has recently be rocked to it's very core by a startling new revelation. Initially, the towns folk were excited at the proposition of their very own Taco Bell franchise. "We were excited," commented local town's man Jeb, "We's never had fancy foreign food before." What they were in for was something that they could never have expected, the owners of the new Taco Bell were literally not of this Earth.
|You knew it was only a matter of time. |
This situation appears to have come about due to the policies of franchising out the Taco Bell restaurants. Taco Bell Corporation (TBC) is in charge of setting up franchises for the Taco Bell brand of fast food all across the world and parts of Canada. A person who wants to open a Taco Bell franchise must confer with TBC first. Then the prospective owner must agree to adhere to certain rules in running the operations of the store. They must also exhibit the mental aptitude to run a franchise store and complete a serious of physical challenges based upon the TV series American Gladiators. Finally, they must be able to front the cash to setup the store and to began operations. If a candidate can meet these requirements, they are then allowed to sport the Taco Bell name and are able to sell patented Taco Bell food at their store. For years, this system has worked flawlessly and Taco Bells have flourished across the globe.
But every system has it's flaws. The design TBC implemented was chosen so as not to discriminate against different races and ethnicities, judging candidates only on their money, mind, and body. This is just the loophole that Aliens have been searching for for years. "When Bob and Klondar (the Aliens) applied, had the starting capital, and passed the tests, we had to allow them to open the franchise. We couldn't go against company policy. Seriously, we couldn't. Our cruel master El Diablo ChaChaCha stated that if we were ever to go against his orders, he would make our dental plan disappear like a Twinkie in front of Rosie O'Donnell."
|Run for the border. Seriously... Run! |
The town of Sometown, USA was up in arms when the new owners were announced to be Aliens. "We don't want their kind here," commented one local man. "Them Aliens should go back to space where they belong," said another. "I saw the movie ET and I don't want them stealing our children like in the movie ET," said a third. The local town folk staged a protest in front of the new Taco Bell to attempt to run the Aliens out of town. Unfortunately, the town folk could not stand up to the appealing aroma of fresh made tacos and bean burritos. "Them Aliens don't play fair," said Hillbilly Hal, "No man can resist a taco." And with that, the protest failed and the Sometown Taco Bell had the most successful opening weekend of any Taco Bell franchise in history.
"We are very happy with the success of our Taco Bell so far," said Bob, "It is great to finally break the stereotype that Aliens cannot run a successful fast food franchise. Sadly, it's a common misconception here on
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