Protesters Seek to Shut Down Evil Robot Factory
on 9/14/2005 (1)
Athens, GA - There are two things that the town of Athens, Georgia is known for. First is the famous Athens Welcome Center, which greets nearly 500 visitors annually who mistakenly have visited the town thinking it was Athens, Greece. And second is the Telco Evil Robot Factory, largest evil robot factory in the world.
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"If you find a robot attacking humans, stealing candy from babies, or plotting the untimely demise of the Autobots, chances are that it's one of our robots," said Telco Vice-President Normal Jackwell. Famous evil robots such as Megatron, the T-1000, John Tesh, and the Evil Bill & Ted Robots are all products of the Telco Evil Robot Factory.
Since it opened its doors in 1965, the Telco Evil Robot Factory has lead the world not only in overall production of evil robots but also in advancements in evil robot technology.
"Early evil robots simply insulted humans with their superior math skills," said Jackwell. "We took that concept, performed some bit-shifting arithmetic to it, and created literally thousands of evil robots that are plotting each and every day to overthrow all of humanity."
The Telco Evil Robot Factory has over one-hundred customers worldwide including such high profile players as Microsoft, Dell, and Martha Stewart Corporation.
"I can't imagine life without my army of unstoppable evil robots," said Microsoft co-founder Bill Gates. "Microsoft Office wouldn't exist without them, and people might still actually be using Netscape Navigator too."
Yet despite all their success and profits that have continually risen each year, a group of protesters calling themselves Humans Against Evil Robots (HAER) have converged on the Evil Robot Factory and are demanding it's closure.
"Evil robots have no place in our society," said protester Jonathan Smith. "I mean seriously, they're evil!"
"When I was a young girl growing up in West Carolina, my entire family was killed by robots," said another protester. "I was so traumatized by the events, I was forced to get a sex change operation and move to Canada where such a thing is commonplace. To this day, I still can't face my parents."
Protesters have cited the numerous robot attacks worldwide and their continued attempts to destroy all of mankind as reasons the factory should be shut down. In addition, the factory also pays sub-minimum wages to it's employees who routinely work over 14 hours a day with no breaks.
"Evil robots can be attributed to over 2,000 human deaths each year," said HAER found Jessica Hampton. "In addition, plans set in motion by the likes of Skynet and NBC, had they not been foiled with the help of time travelers from the future, could have caused the whole world to become a post apocalyptic wasteland that would make for great television but severely hinder the farming industry."
Hampton also continued to explain that evil robots do nothing to better society, but Jackwell saw things differently.
"If you close down the factory, you're going to kill the town," said Jackwell. "Then the people of Athens would have to go back to eating grapes or whatever the hell else they used to do in Athens b
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