'Meatnormous' Sandwich Finally Drives The Burger King To Have His Head Examined
on 10/5/2005 (0)
UPCHUCK, IL - Burger King's new super-calorific fast food fare finally drives "The Creepy King" to the psychiatric edge.
|"No I do not have health insurance, but may I pay you with meat, on top of meat, on top of more meat...and cheese!" |
Resting fitfully, Burger King's latest mascot, "Creepy King", painfully massaged his crown, gulping for tenuous breaths of rarefied air.
The King's psychiatrist, Dr. Dick Bergeron, describes:
"He's finally gone too far. The seemingly reckless, fat and calorie laden additions to Burger King's menu, specifically the 'Meatnormous' breakfast sandwich, have done him in. In psychiatric terms, he has bitten off more than he can chew...quite literally."
Indeed, in what industry pundits have termed 'fast-food porn', Burger King has evolved the seemingly reckless strategy of piling more and more fat laden meats and cheeses into their breakfast sandwiches to an unprecendented new height, the 'Enormous' series alone touting 740 calories, 46 grams of fat, 1950 mg of Sodium and 330 mg of Cholesterol, making it one of the most massive -and dangerous to the public health- specialty fast food sandwiches available today, outdone only by Hardee's double Thickburger.
Dr. Dick shook his head and murmured softly
"The King is finally waking up to his own despotism and royal treachery, he perceives himself as the tyrant of the fast food world, and perhaps rightfully so. His treason and complicity cannot be denied."
Bergeron described a therapy of Thorazine and Stelazine, also urging The King to find employment in another line of work, though cautiously adding, "There isn't much a guy in a King's costume with a wooden head can do. I suppose there's always House Majority Leader or a baseball mascot, so his dilemma is daunting, though certainly not insurmountable."
The Burger King could add nothing but more labored breathing and a mournfully whispered "Meat...on top of meat...on top of more meat...and more cheese, and so on.
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