Artichoke Named Most Irritating Vegetable
on 10/8/2005 (5)
(AP) The National Association for the Advancement Of Vegetables has proclaimed the artichoke as "most irritating" of all popular vegetables readily available in U.S. supermarkets.
|Attention whore |
N.A.A.V President Jonathan Book describes:
"Vegetables are in trouble. With today's fast food fare comprising the bulk of American's diet, fresh prepared vegetables have fallen by the wayside, an iconoclastic relic of the countries agrarian past. It's my belief that by eliminating some of the more irritating, difficult to prepare vegetables, we can spur a "Green Revolution" of sorts, returning rustic, healthful dishes to the American kitchen table."
Book produced a list, flipping the pages apprehensively
"Artichokes are number one because you have to boil the damn spiny things for over an hour to get them tender, and the meager amount of edible matter is enough to leave even the most masochistic green enthusiast in mad fits. Asparagus came in second, as you have to throw away half of them from the get go, and the other half turns to mush in a matter of minutes. Leeks finished next (what more do you need to say, they're leeks) and spinach tallied a high score because of the gritty, tooth-dulling abrasive sand. Other mentionables were escarole (too bitter), carrots (too carroty), cabbage (pronounced flatulence) and squash (who really likes squash, anyway?).
Book tossed the list down, frowning hard.
"About the only vegetable Americans seem to agree on is nutritionless iceberg lettuce, and that's only when it's the secondary ingredient in a ham egg and bacon Cobb salad, or shredded on a Wendy's triple cheeseburger. We've got a tough nut to crack on our hands over here, so to speak."
On the subject of nuts, the Brazil nut topped the legum list, the primary complaint that "you need a jackhammer and a monkey wrench to open them, let alone eat them."
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