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Amish Website Plans Nixed By Lack of Electricity
by Mark on 10/26/2005 (2) 
 | | D-Does thou Yahoo? | | MIDDLEFIELD, OH - Plans for an Amish registered and administrated web site were "nipped in the bloom" by a lack of electricity and communication lines, according to Mennonite brother Ezekiel Yoder.
"It is quite the quandary, indeed."
Yoder shook his head softly, scriffing and scruffing his traditional flowing beard.
"We hath grand plans to spread the Word across America and around the globe, but were fatally halted by God's commandment to eschew the Devil's evil electricity. Thou is in quite the pickle barrel, indeed."
This was not the first time Mennonite beliefs condemning modern technology have stifled the more contemporary plans of younger generations of Amish, with elders deeply concerned about losing more and more of their dwindling population to modernization.
Efforts at creating an Amish airline, and launching AmishNet, a series of global communications satellites, were also squelched due to the communities inherent embraced primitivism. Elders have thus seemed to be able to 'hold the fort' against the encroaching modern world, albeit fighting a ceaseless, pitched battle with younger, more progressive members of the clan.
"We want to spread the word of our beliefs, but cannot do so using modern means."
Yoder sighed heavily.
"It doth seem that many old religions the world over hoary with age and tradition are fighting a mighty struggle to hold onto the Old Ways, yet reach some type of compromise with an ever more complicated and changing world. I-I fear I cannot allow any further blasphemy to transpire. I am sorry, it is God's will."
No detailed plans are available about content of the proposed Amish web page other than a few scattered Hubbard squash recipes from Mrs. Gephart, a buggy parts distribution section by Mr. Rutt and a feature section pointing out that the "Amish lifestyle does noth to contribute to global warming"one0" style="display:none">
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