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Derailed Train Wakes Hundreds
by Kris on 12/10/2005 (0)

Sleep if you can, for derailed trains are loud.
It was a site to behold, if there ever was one. Hundreds of East Gravy, Connecticut citizens, working folk like you and me, awakened prematurely, many of whom would never see the sweet release of sleep again that night.

Each of these unfortunate souls had plans, they had goals to accomplish with their lives. But thanks to one of the loudest train derailing in recent memories, they were all forced into following their dreams with heavy eyelids and bags under their eyes.

"I was sleep and them bam, I wasn't," said construction worker James Anderson. "The initial crash was so loud and to make things worse, the screams from the passengers trapped inside as the train was engulfed in flames seemed to last for hours. I never did get to sleep again that night."

At approximately 2 AM the Silver Toadstool, which had never derailed before in it's fifteen years of service, did just that, leaving total destruction in it's path as it smashed through houses and homes and erupted into flames after crashing into the local propane distributor.

"I don't know how anyone could have slept through that," said Larry Cole, manager at the local Office Warehut. "Maybe earplugs would have helped, but I don't know how anyone could have planned for a thing like this."

"It's never happened to me before," said avid sleep fan Joe Nelson, who admittedly gets 8 to 10 hours of sleep each night. "I was so embarrassed."

The following day, hundreds of drowsy East Gravy citizens went about their lives, trying to pretend the traumatic night before never happened.

"I was so tired," said propane salesman Hank Thompson. "I could barely keep my eyes open as I picked through the burning wreckage of my business that day."

"They want me to be happy and energetic when I take drive-tru orders, but it's hard to do that when you're running on almost no sleep because some inconsiderate train had to derail," said McDonald's employee Jen Sampson.

In a press conference later the following day, Jolly Rider Trains, owners of the Silver Toadstool, issued a statement apologizing for the disturbance.

"Our intent at Jolly Rider Trains has always been to transport people quickly and quietly to their destination," said public relations manager Terry Davidson. "We sincerely apologize for awakening so many people last night and assure you our research department is working hard to ensure that should another such derailing occur, it will not be as loud. It is our hope that with advances in noiseless technologies, the next time a train derails, no one will even notice."0" sty


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