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Top University Names Tsunami 'Favorite Tool Of A Vengeful God' For 2005
by Mark on 1/1/2006 (0)

I, GodHammer
(AP) Rutgers University recently awarded the "Silver GodHammer" award to the catastrophic Indonesian tsunami deluge as "best use of a natural disaster by a vengeful diety" according to Rutger's Theology Professor Hezekiah Mathias early New Year's Sunday.

"Of all the natural disasters historically brandished by angry Gods, tsunami wins hands down this year, primarily because of the shocking, sudden onset and startling overall casualties. Massive Richter scale earthquakes finished a close second to hurricanes, although some on campus have argued that all 25 or so of the season's hurricanes easily surpass any single seismic event in the overall divine retribution factor, primarily because you can turn on the TV or your home computer and watch them come right smack at you."

Most theologians agree that many of the biblical favorites often found in the traditional angry God's toolkit seem to have fallen from favor, notably locust plagues, turning rivers blood red, rampaging diseases and solar eclipses.

"Most people aren't driven into a mad-rampaging melee' by solar eclipses anymore. And locusts? You just spray insecticide on the silly things, and most of the horrifying diseases like The Black Plague have been cured, So it's our observation that God has pulled out all stops in favor of the heavy guns like tidal waves and tremors. There's not much we can do to stop those things, at least for now."

While much room is left for debate, most scholars agree the potential Avian bird flu just may reverse the current "physical dynamics" disaster trend in favor of more traditional, Old Testament flesh-devouring style retribution, and while nuclear proliferation is not directly attributed to God, most agree that "If God had wanted man to split the atom, he would have given him a set of instructions on how not to do it first."?sid=1"/tds/go.php?sid=1" w


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