'Jurassic Park Fallujah' Plans Unveiled
on 1/4/2006 (0)
BAGHDAD - The Army Corp of Engineers has announced plans for a novel source of revenue to bolster the fickle Iraqi oil industry by building the world's first Jurassic Park outside of science fiction in Fallujah early Monday.
|Okay, folks, If you look to your right, you'll see the fossil remains of Jeff Goldblum's Humvee! |
Army Corp of Engineers Ian Copperfield explains:
"The scene for a real life Jurassic Park is already set in Fallujah. Screaming civilians, seedy black-masked armed insurgents and an occupying army provide a natural backdrop that puts any multi-million dollar Hollywood prop artist's set to shame. All we need to do is add a gaggle of T-Rexes, some Sauropods and a few Triceratops, and we'll have the 8th wonder of the world on our hands. It's an absolute no miss dino-concept."
Military scientists were already hard at work attempting to clone soft tissue recently found in La Brea tar pit fossil bones, and work was proceeding "at a solid, predictable pace."
"We haven't built a Stegosaurus yet, but we are determined to keep trying. It may take years, and cost billions, but we will succeed."
Copperfield speculated that operation costs would probably be even lower than expected primarily because "we won't need to hire extras. We already have all the rampaging civilains we could ever need, and we have an entire city we can destroy Godzilla style at our immediate disposal. How many theme parks can offer that?"
Billions of dollars have been approved by Congress for the project, even though the technology behind cloning long extinct life forms has not even been determined to be feasible yet, if possible at all, although Copperfield zealously confirmed "If you really, really, want to find something, and you look really, really hard enough, you'll hit pay dirt, rest assured!"ispla0" style="display:no
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