Fun Infused Games  |   Evil Scale  |   Wellplayed.net  |   KrisSteele.net  |   Starcraft Live  |   Fun Pages  |   Your ad here. Twitter RSS 
x
Logon
Register
     
x
     
Home  Archive  Search  Forum  Members  Subscribe  Links  About  Advertise
Tobacco Giant Ponders Firing Non-Smoking Employees
by Mark on 1/14/2006 (0)

Climbing the Corporate Ladder just isn't the same anymore.
(AP) Tobacco industry giant Phillip Morris has announced plans to "terminate any and all non-smokers" according to inside sources Friday. P-M spokesman Bruce Rantz explains:

"In light of increasing health care costs and advertising expenses, as well as propagating a positive image of our product, we will commence the "Take 5" employee smoke initiative in early spring. All new hires will be required to be smokers, and any currently employed non smokers will be given 3 months, pending spot nicotine breathalyzer tests, to pick up the habit. We want to make sure that we have team players, as well as creating a new source of revenue to offset rising operation costs. It's a perfect match, pun intended!"

P-M's seemingly contrary announcement flaunts in the face of Scotts Miracle Grow, who recently announced it would be firing smokers for the same reasons mentioned by Rants, namely rising operation costs. When quizzed with the inevitable, that requiring employees to smoke would destroy their health, Rantz harumphed and pshaw-ed

"Let's not play the Emperor's new clothes over here. Scotts isn't concerned with their employee's health, as they proport to be, and neither are we. We see it as a way of saving money and earning more money at the same time. The rise in health care costs will be easily offset by garnered profits through creating a new fleet of lifetime smokers and brand-loyal salesmen as well. If you want integrity, join the Boy Scouts. We're about money over here."

Rantz promised that cigarettes for the "Take 5" program would be provided free of charge, but harshly reminded, "It only counts if you inhale."

isplay:none">Share
Wellplayed.net


page has been viewed 6301 times


 
Comments



Name
Comment
Verify
What animal is this a picture of?


x Enter the simple name for this animal... i.e., if you see a "north american grizzly bear", just enter "bear".
 
Surround you text with the following tags to use special formatting:
[B][/B] for Bold text.
[I][/I] for Italic text.
[QUOTE][/QUOTE] for a quote.

For example, in order to write "Smthop rules" in bold, you would enter: [B]Smthop rules[/B].



x
 
 
 


 
x

BetUS.com
 

 
x

More referrals |  Add Site
 

 
Business   Editorials   Education   Entertainment   Feature   Food   Health   Law   Politics   Religeon   Site News   Space   Sports   Tech   US News   Video Games   World News  
 

HumorFeed




Copyright 2010 Smooth Operator.
Website Design by SteeleITS - Privacy Policy