Notable Absence Of Superman Alarms Mankind
on 1/25/2006 (2)
METROPOLIS - The Daily Planet News recently lamented the "notable absence of Superman" during a spate of horrific natural disasters, wars and plagues early Monday.
|Superman!...Where the hell are you? Superman?...Superman!! |
"Where the hell is Superman!"
Tearfully gasped Metropolis resident Lana Lang
"There's people dieing by the millions! Where is he? Has he forsaken us? Every day I expect him to fly down from the sky and use his super cold breath to freeze hurricanes, or bore 100 miles under the earth and fix an earthquake fault with his laser vision. I'm not sure if we did anything wrong to invoke his wrath, but maybe we scared him off with all of our petty bickering and senseless infighting, I don't know. Superman, please come home! We need you now!"
Indeed, an unprecedented rash of natural and human made disasters seem to be occurring without notice or intervention by The Man of Steel. Without notice? Or perhaps, more accurately, without concern? Only Lois Lane knows for sure...
"He's out there, he'll show up. He always does", lamented plucky Daily Planet reporter Jimmy Olson. "Supe is alive and well. He'll pull us out of the fire like he always does. *Sob!* H-He'll be back!"
Authorities are hard pressed to explain the disappearance of Superman, citing media competition with the FF4, The Hulk, and Spider Man as possible cause, a worldwide elevation in Kryptonite levels due to space experiments as another or simply the fact that Superman doesn't exist. Perhaps super heroes in general are merely a projection of an innate human need for a parental figure in the form of a Godlike, invincible fictional character to magically intervene and deliver us from danger in the face of extreme adversity, although most DC comic pundits unanimously agree "it's probably that freakin' prima donna Marvel comics showboat Spidey that did the trick."
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