Interview with the NFL's Ricky Williams
on 2/22/2006 (14)
One of the biggest stories in sports today is that of the fourth failed drug test by Miami Dolphin’s running back Ricky Williams. Williams is currently in India studying holistic medicines and has been for the past month. But that didn’t stop me from grabbing my bags, hopping on a bus, and traveling all the way down to South America get to the straight poop on this situation.
|Is that a bong in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? |
Smooth Operator: I think I speak for everyone when I say, Ricky, you got some 'splaining to do.
Ricky Williams: What?
SO: Sorry, bad reference. Anyways, let's get right to the question that everyone's asking. Recent reports have indicated that you have failed a fourth drug test, any truth to that?
RW: I don't think you can really fail a drug test Kris. You just go out there, give it your all, and hope for the best. As long as you try, they can't hold anything against you.
SO: That's not exactly true. You're facing a year long suspension from the NFL for said failed drug test.
RW: They can tell me I can't play, they can ban me from seeing the team, but they can't keep me from spreading my message.
SO: And what message is that?
RW: Message? What the hell are you talking about?
SO: Anyways, these reports have said the drug you took was not marijuana, but have not named what drug is was. Care to enlighten us?
RW: I was taking some hair growth supplements that may have been on their banded substance list.
SO: Anything else?
RW: Does speed count as a drug?
RW: Then no.
SO: Now that we have that cleared up, is there anything you want to say to your teammates? They gave you a second chance last season after walking out on them the year before, it seems you've let them down again.
RW: Oh, I have lots to say to my teammates. First off, India is great. There is this guy that eats hot coals like they were pork chop sandwiches covered in gravy. I really hope you guys can come down here sometime, I've got plenty of room on the floor of my hut and all the pot you can smoke.
SO: Anything else? Maybe about being sorry you've let them down, something along those lines.
SO: So how are the holistic medicine studies going?
RW: They've been great Peter, I recently learned how to cure any bodily disease using tea leaves, mushrooms, and a bamboo shoot.
SO: Great. So do you feel that this failed drug test will spell the end of the career of Ricky Williams?
RW: Who the hell is Ricky Williams?
SO: You are.
RW: Sorry Jim, I forgot. Most people here call me "Hey Dipshit". I think it's Spanish or something.
SO: I believe you're right. So repeating the question, does the failed drug test mean it's over for Ricky Williams in the NFL?
RW: I already explained this John, you don't fail a drug t
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