President George Bush Traps Himself in the Closet
on 3/1/2006 (6)
It was a scene of terror at the Whitehouse earlier this morning as screams for help were heard coming from the room of President George W. Bush. Secret Service Agents were called in, suspecting the worst, but were relieved to see that it was just a case of the President locking himself in his closet again.
|"I'm thinking of something orange... it's orange... give up? It's an orange!" |
First Lady Laura Bush had gone out early that morning to walk their dog Buddy and left the President alone to dress himself, something she had been warned not to do on multiple occasions.
"Last time I left him to dress himself was in 1978 and he nearly choked to death on a sock," explained the First Lady. "He's been doing so well lately though, I thought I could leave him to take care of this himself."
The President was able to successfully get out of bed and make his way to the closet, but ran into problems removing a pair of slacks from its close hanger. In attempting to perform the action, which is typically challenging to anyone with an lower IQ than Forest Gump, the President closed himself in the closet and wedged the hanger in such a way that the door could no longer be opened.
Secret Service Agents Ted Jackson was the first on the scene. He kicked in the door and rushed in with his gun drawn.
"I expected to see some terrorist or Dick Chaney with a firearm," recalled Jackson. After inadvertently shooting the television, Jackson was able to unwedge the hanger and free a grateful President.
"As you can possibly see, I was in quite the battle," explained President Bush to a sea of reporters only an hour ago. "Not with terrorists or Democrats but with my closet. I eventually won, but I did get a little scratch."
For allowing the President to dress himself, Laura Bush has been sentenced to yard work for the remainder of the week. If you were to come the White House now, you could see Laura mowing the lawn.
In order to prevent such an incident from occurring again, the Secret Service will be replacing the folding closet doors in the master bedroom with dangling beads. President Bush reportedly thinks this will be "super cool".0"<
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