Wite-Out Voted Most Racist Office Supply
on 4/11/2006 (8)
Wite-Out is great for correcting mistakes, patching small holes on office walls or as a quick high during your mid-afternoon break, but that doesn’t change the fact that American workers have a bitter dislike of this very useful fluid. Extensive polling of office employees nationwide has revealed that 88% find Wite-Out to be the most racists of all office supplies. Scotch Tape finished a distant second with 6% of the vote.
“Wite-Out… just what are they trying to say?” questioned office manager Dale Beverly. “At our office, we use only Liquid Paper.”
“I just can’t believe an office supply would be so strongly against whatever race it is that I am,” said one angered mailroom clerk. “Every time I see someone correcting a spelling error or typo, I die a little inside.”
Despite it’s widespread dislike, few Americans are in agreement as to who Wite-Out is discriminating against.
“On one hand, the name Wite-Out implies it is an anti-white office supply,” said correction fluid historian Brian Kloosterhouse. “But on the other hand, the correction fluid is white and covers black text, implying that the white race needs to rid the world of the black race.”
Leading even more credence to the fact that Wite-Out is a racist office supply it’s humble Nazi origins.
“Few people realize it, but Hitler was a terrible speller and constantly had to rewrite entire pages because of it,” said Kloosterhouse. “So he commissioned a team of mad scientists to develop a way to correct only the words he had misspelled rather than having to redo the entire page. What they came up with roughly translates to English as ‘White Power Correction Fluid’ and was later renamed ‘Wite-Out’ when purchased by BIC Corporation in 1992.”
Liquid Paper President James Daughterly agree with the racist sentiments circling about his chief competitor.
“Most defiantly Wite-Out is a racist office supply,” said Daughterly. “But not just against whites and blacks, they hate all other races equally too. I strongly encourage you not to buy a product which so clearly promotes hatred.”
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