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Bushy Tailed Freaks: When Squirrels Attack!!
by Mark on 4/14/2006 (0)

Bushy Tailed Freaks!!
Well, they're back! No, I don't mean aliens, or the in-laws, at least not this time, I mean that Order Rodentia throwback from the Miocene Epoch, that huckle-toothed yard sheep in a mink coats clothing, the pride of Genus Sciurus, the common ground squirrel.

In an odd, almost unprecedented level of species-crossing tolerance, mankind has learned to overlook, and sometimes even encourage, the presence of these sometimes unpredictable, booshy-tailed rodents, an uneasy detente at best, but sometimes events go awry, as evidenced by these chilling real-life examples of Bushy Tailed Freaks: When Squirrels Attack!!

Eddy Arfe, Attorney: “I went to put some garbage in the trash receptacles in the park,” Eddy Arfe recalls his evening of terror, “when all of a sudden something hit me in the chest and bounced off. That was a squirrel. Needless to say, it was quite frightening. Squirrels have been eating up the wires in the cars, There’s a young fellow who parks his car in our lot who puts mothballs under it, to discourage the squirrels from ‘visiting’ his car.”

Madison, Wisconsin, Anonymous Deer Hunter: I heard several different squirrels, some on the hillside to the west, some behind me to the east. After a while, I stopped turning around as they jumped through the leaves. Suddenly, I noticed a gray squirrel at the bottom of the dam. He scampered up, paused, looked up at me. I was sitting very still. He ran up and stopped right next to my left boot. I couldn't see him except for his bushy tail. I didn't really want him to run up my leg, so I moved my boot. He took off, leaping right up at my face. I must have flinched a bit, he made it on to my hat, his tail hit me in the face. One more good jump (off my hat) and he was gone.

Squirrel Attack Angers Student: As I sat outside Knoy Hall engrossed in an enlightening article concerning animal rights and enjoying a bag of Chex Mix, I noticed a cute little squirrel at my feet perched on his hind legs, apparently begging for some of my snack. Realizing he was probably sick of dining on discarded peanut shells and cigarette butts, I reached down to give him some of my tasty treat. As soon as I did, the "cute little squirrel" pounced on me, clawing and biting, while his previously unnoticed cohort made off with my entire bag of Chex mix.

Mad Squirrel Causes University of Alabama Power Outage: A bushy-tailed creature wreaked havoc on the University's Campus Drive power substation Monday morning, marking the fourth time this year that a Capstone squirrel has crossed paths with electricity. The rodent infiltrated a capacitor, causing about $30,000 in damage and raising the voltage of the power entering some campus buildings.

Squirrel Bites Boy, Ambushes Mom: An 8-year-old boy and his mother sustained minor injuries Friday night after a squirrel attacked them, clawing and biting their arms and legs outside a southeast Lawrence home.

Clara Wikstrom, 30, and her son, Jalin Wikstrom, were in Lawrence from Shawnee visiting Clara’s parents at their home on Bonanza Street. Clara and her father, Desmond Chikezie, were inside the house about 8:45 p.m when they heard Jalin yell from the front yard.

We were inside watching Wimbledon when he came in crying,” Chikezie said. “We said, ‘what’s wrong?’ and he said a squirrel bit his arm.”

Clara Wikstrom stepped out onto the front porch to investigate when the squirrel “came out of nowhere” and attached itself to her leg. “I have no idea where it came from,”<


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