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Man Declines Fried Chicken Dinner, Promptly Branded A Racist
by Mark on 4/19/2006 (2)

Legs, thighs, grape soda and fries.
KANKAKEE, IL - Quickyrates Insurance Corp. phone representative Tommy Schmales was recently branded a "racist" for declining to opt in on a company fried chicken luncheon early Tuesday. Quickyrates general manager Tammy Chang explains:

"OMG! I couldn't believe it when Tommy said he doesn't like fried chicken! What a racist! What does he mean by that? Everyone knows black people like fried chicken, so Tommy saying something like I don't like fried chicken is just like saying I don't like black people! OMG!"

If fact, such thinly veiled racially suggestive cues were apparently commonplace at Quickyrates, a self-professed, all-inclusive, ultra-liberal employer.

"Tommy isn't the first hater we've had here." Fumed Chang. "We had another white guy who said he didn't like Rap Music or the NBA, and that baggy jeans were not stylish at all, and just looked plain baggy and sloppy. Can you even imagine that? OMG what a super racist!"

Dilbert LeMay, Quickyrates accounts specialist, interprets Chang's accusations otherwise, however, sniping "Naaah...That's how that back-stabbing, inroading bitch Tammy got to be general manager in the first place, by trumping up the race card to her advantage at every turn. One thing I've learned is to stay away from her and any of her activities, that's for sure."

In reality, the reason Schmales declined the fried chicken lunch in the first place was because "my dad owned a chicken farm in Georgia, and I never want to look a piece of chicken in the beak again as long as I live", although he hadn't forseen that tapping his female boss on the shoulder as he explained himself would ultimately be interpreted as zero-tolerance sexual harrassment and lead to his inevitable fatal

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1. by Motz on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
About 5 years ago, they passed a noise ordinance in Ohio that prohibited loud stero systems above a wattage power level in cars. (people were dieing in car crashes because they literally couldn't hear train horns), and the black caucus jumped on it as "racist". White kids don't listen to loud music? In any case, its the same message: We want you to smell our shit, and if you don't like it, you are a racist. src </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
2. by Jeff on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
This is an important message. I've been accused of racism more times in my life than I could ever remember for things not much more petty than not liking fried chicken. I only hope satire sites can help show how ridiculous the McCarthy-esque "racist scare" is and how pervasive it is in our society. Now, let the burnings commence!isplay: </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>

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