Study Reveals All Apple Users are Morons and Outcasts
on 5/2/2006 (23)
A recent study from the Institute of Recent Studies had revealed what most PC fans have suspected for years, Apple users are morons and social outcasts!
|Scene from a recent Apple Users convention. |
"Our study revealed that the average IQ of an Apple user is between 30 and 50 points, or approximately the same IQ of your typical potted plant," said lead researched Dr. Steven Markey. "They are easily impressed by shiny, colorful things that have gizmos on them that are neat but nonfunctional."
This seems to explain why so many Apple users gravitate to colorful computers despite higher prices and a clear lack of quality software. It would also seem to explain Apple's reluctance to move to a two or more button mouse as the rest of the computing world has done.
"If you gave a person with an IQ of 30 a two button mouse, they would be completely perplexed," commented Markey. "Chances are, they would take it as a sign of the apocalypse and lock themselves in their bomb shelter where they would live off of Tang and Ramen Noodles for the next several years."
In addition, the study also revealed that 90% of Apple users are social outcasts who live in their parents' basements and spend all day chatting with their Internet girlfriends, who are actually other Apple users living in their parents' basements who think they are also chatting with their Internet girlfriends. Few Apple users can read and even fewer shower on a regular basis.
The study revealed the average yearly income of an Apple user to be $7,000 and they typically held jobs like chimney sweep, panhandler, and unsuccessful gold prospector. The most successful Apple user discovered during this study, Billy Nelson, is a 35 year old fry cook who makes $15,000 a year and lives in a storage bin he rents for $50 a month from his cousin.
Conversely, the study revealed that PC user's had an average IQ of over 100 and Microsoft Office users had an average IQ of 125 or more. PC users are also much cooler than Apple users and get laid all the time by really hot super models. They also lead much more interesting lives with occupations such as action movie star, racecar driver, and astronaut and make an average income of $100,000 a year.
The study was conducted over the past several years and was funded by Microsoft. Despite clearly having stronger ties to the PC market, Microsoft founder Bill Gates assured us that this was a 100% nonbiased report0" style="display:none">
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