Ten Steps For Picking Up Girls
on 5/3/2006 (4)
So it's a Saturday night and you're home alone with a box of cheap wine, leftover ravioli, and the latest Power Rangers movie but no one special to share it with. Well worry no more dear friend, for the following tips will have you finding love faster than you can say "I call upon the power of the Ultrazord". Follow these simple rules and you'll have dozens of gorgeous women throwing themselves at your feet nightly, and it won't be because you've stolen their shoes this time!
1. Be Confident
First off, girls like a guy who's confident. It makes them feel safe and secure. Even though the simple thought of talking to a girl makes you want to shit yourself, never let her know that... seriously, never let her know that or she'll think you're some kind of weirdo who shits himself when he talks to a girl. That is a huge turnoff. In fact, probably more important than being confident is to not shit yourself. If you feel the need to squeeze one out, get to the bathroom post haste and neglect mentioning to her that she makes you want to poop.
2. Be Confident, Again
|There is no need to say anything, the shirt says it all. |
Back to being confident though, girls like that. If you are confident, then this shouldn't be a problem for you. But since you're reading my online dating advice, chances are you're not confident, you're more like a jellyfish in a sea of robot sharks. You probably get beat-up on the playground by the other jellyfish and get called things like spineless, which is technically true but hurtful nonetheless. To remedy this, make sure not to question yourself, and make sure you always come off as right. Sometimes girls don't always realize that I'm confident right away even though I wear a t-shirt that clearly states "Confident", so I like to tell them "You don't know me, but I'm awesome." This lets them know I'm awesome without having to beat around the bush, and shows them I'm confident enough in my awesomeness to let perfect strangers know about the aforementioned awesomeness. Sometimes I also wear a shirt that says "Awesome" as this is saves me the trouble of having to explain myself... unless I'm trying to pick up an illiterate girl, which in that case, it's an interesting conversation starter.
3. Dress Nice
|Girls will be all over this guy. |
When you're going out to a bar, pub, or isolated rest stop near the turnpike, make sure to dress presentable. As ZZ Top once said, girls like a sharp dressed man or something along those lines. They also like huge beards that hang down to the ground, but that's another story for another day. Now the biggest fashion hits with the ladies seem to be leather assless pants and shirts with flames, dragons, or some combination of the two on them. Leave that "I'm with Stupid" shirt you like to wear so much at home, girls don't think it's funny, and it doesn't have any flaming dragons on it. Expect to get dirty looks from other guys at this point, but that's just because they're jealous of how cool you look and how many women you're going to land.
4. Be In Shape
Girls like a guy that works out and is healthy. If you're an American, chances are that this isn't you. If you're dedicated, you may want to consid
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