Old People Farms
on 5/9/2006 (3)
As the costs of healthcare and nursing homes skyrocket, many seniors and their families are finding it increasingly difficult to make ends meet. Neither of these two costs seem to be going down anytime soon, but it appears that a new player in the game may offer an equally feasible solution, old people farms.
|Free range old folks. |
"It's just like they do with the old racing horse when they pass their prime," said Ted Seaford, manager of Sunny Days Old Folks Farm. "We put old people out to pasture."
The Sunny Days Farm was opened in 1997 to provide a financially affordable alternative to nursing homes and assisted suicide and has since taken on over forty members ranging from old to old as dirt.
"Our old people live exciting, fulfilling lives while on our farm," said Seaford. "They are free to roam our fields, graze on our grass, and interact with other old people in a youth free environment. And as an added bonus, there is no need to worry about having to get our old people to the bathroom because they're all out in a field, they can just go wherever."
Old people at Sunny Days are fed daily a diet of grains, corn, and whatever table scraps the Seaford family has remaining from their supper.
"What we feed them is easy on their digestive systems and tastes great," said Seaford. "Sure they complain about how bad the food is all the time, but that's to be expected, that's what old people do."
The old people fields at Sunny Days are surrounded by a 10,000 watt electric fence. To this day, no old person has ever escaped the confines of the Sunny Days Farm and lived to tell the tale.
"You haven't seen an old person go down until you've seen one try to scale an electric fence," said Seaford. "Well, or one having a heart attack. It's a lot like a heart attack."
The Sunny Days Old Folks Farm currently has a waiting list of over one hundred people on it and is planning to purchase a neighboring cattle farm to make room for many new occupants. They are also working on installing a movie screen that will constantly play reruns of Matlock, Murder She Wrote, and nationally televised polka competitions.
"It's best to keep them occupied, otherwise they may turn on you and attack," said Seaford. "We've lost some good employees already, we don't want to lose anymore."
With the success of the Sunny Days Old Folks Farm, new old people farms are opening all over the country, promising lower costs and a healthy, natural environment for old people to live out their last days. If current trends continue, chances are you too will be living out your last days on an old people farm one day too.h="00" hei
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