Beleaguered NASA Officials Draw Line At Russian ISS Plans For Vodka And Space Hookers
on 6/1/2006 (0)
CAPE KENNEDY - NASA officials, faced with increasingly irregular and internationally embarrassing Russian "insider cash deals" utilizing their contributed half of the International Space Station, have apparently "reached wits end" when Russian officials revealed plans to create an exclusive ten million dollar "100 mile high club" complete with vodka, caviar and space hookers. Frustrated NASA Chief administrator Sean O' Keefe rants, pants and fumes.
|Perestan' mne jabat' mozgi svojimi voprosami! |
"Alright...alright...enough is enough, godammit! I've put up with space tourists, and that's dangerous and bad enough. God only knows if or when one of these hastily trained civilians the Russians send up to their half of the station could get claustrophobic and freak out, and start banging on the windows with a ball-pien hammer. It's a miracle no one got killed yet, and now they sign a deal with a freaking golf club manufacturer to hit a godamm gold plated golf ball off the station, but space hookers? I could care less if they supplied half of the hardware for the ISS, enough is enough!"
Russian space officials have unveiled plans for a ten million dollar, three day excursion into space for randy rich male candidates, promising "The most beautiful Belarus girls, Stoli, Beluga caviar, and the incredible pleasures of weightless sex."
Indeed, this newest money grabbing ploy is not shocking in the least to NASA officials, given the Ruble strapped Russian space agencies increasingly seedy, not to mention hazardous, history of conjuring schemes aimed at generating quick cash dollars. NASA has become increasingly alarmed, annoyed and embarrassed at this weird mix of pure science and back alley black market dealings, much to the chagrin of U.S. officials and scientists alike.
"I-I-m starting to think we made a BIG mistake in entering this bizzarro partnership with the Russians." O'Keefe trembled. "I'm not sure how much longer this can go on. I'm hoping we can buy out their share of the ISS sometime soon, and restore an air of formality to the operation. In the meantime, we'll just have to fight a tug of war with our recalcitrant tenants, to be sure."
Response to the space hooker concept has reportedly already drawn interest from several interested wealthy parties, including actor Charlie Sheen and real estate magnate Donald Trump, who quipped "In space no one can hear you scream, or propose for that matter, neither!"isplay:none">0" style="display:no
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