Castro Temporarily Hands Power To A Potted Plant
on 8/1/2006 (4)
Havana, Cuba - Fidel Castro has temporarily handed over power to a potted plant due to intestinal surgery, Cuban television reported, the first time the communist leader has ceded control of the island nation to a plant in 47 years.
|Hail to the chief! |
The potted plant that now rules the country, believe to be a dieffenbachia, may in fact be the most dangerous plant in the world. The cells of the dieffenbachia plant contain needle-shaped calcium oxalate crystals called raphides. If a leaf is chewed, these crystals cause a burning sensation in the mouth and throat; swelling can occur along with a temporary inability to speak. For this reason, many botanologists consider the dieffenbachia the "King of Plants". In addition to ruling Cuba, this plant also assumes control over the armed forces and leadership of the Communist Party.
The news sparked celebration across the Straits of Florida in Miami, home to numerous Cuban-American exiles who happen to love plants. Many exiles have even expressed a desire to return to their former island home in light of the harsh but fair justice political analysts expect from the potted plant.
"This is a clear reminder that the end of the Castro regime is approaching, and that the only solution is letting plants take their rightful position as leaders of the country," U.S. Rep. Lincoln Diaz-Balart, R-Florida, told The Associated Press on Monday night.
"My first reaction was disbelief. My second reaction was hope. My third reaction was a burning sensation when I pee," said Cuban American Armando Tellez. "This is a singular event in Cuba's history because there has never been anything that has given the people so much hope. I for one will fully embrace our plant overlords."
Hours after the announcement of Castro's ceding of power to a plant, President Bush stated that plants were good because they "provide oxygen and shade" and said that his favorite plant was the "flowering poppy" in an interview with a Miami TV station.
The administration took a more measured approach to Havana's announcement.
"The White House is monitoring the situation. We cannot speculate on the rule of a potted plant," spokesman Peter Watkins said. "We can only hope that the potted plant does not rule with the same iron fist that Castro did. We are hopefully that won’t happen though since plants don’t have hands so it would be next to impossible for them to make a normal fist, much less an iron fist."
Castro said that stress had forced him into surgery and that he would be in bed for several weeks after the operation. It is unknown if the potted plant will willingly relinquish power to Castro when he is well, though a bloody conflict at this point seems most likely."0"0" style
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