Pluto Will Always Be A Planet To Me
on 8/24/2006 (7)
Throughout my life, I have seen dozens of things change. Red lights turned green, short hair became cool, Sammy Hagar joined Van Halen. But the one thing I could always count on was that there were nine planets.
|Sure looks like a planet to me. |
I remember the first time I heard about planets. I was but a young man, barely old enough to open my own box of milk or tie my own shoes. As my tenth grade class walked through the local planetarium, something caught my eye.
"What's that?" I questioned.
"That's the solar system," said my teacher. She proceeded to tell me the great tales of the nine planets, tales of how they would orbit the sun relentlessly or solve petty crimes that the police were too busy for. There were literally four stories of great triumphs over insurmountable odds by huge celestial bodies.
Of course, my favorite planet of them all was Pluto. Sure it was a little small and its orbit was a bit wobbly, but Pluto had something the other planets didn't. Character.
Pluto is like that old drunk guy that sits alone in the bar drinking straight whiskey. Sure it's a little creepy when he hits on all the much younger waitresses and he smells kinda funny and when you throw the metal darts at him, he mumbles something under his breath that you know is really dirty, but he must have lead a really interesting life to be so messed up now. That's what I think of Pluto.
Now the International Astronomical Union is trying to tell us that Pluto isn't a planet. What right do they have to question everything I have ever known? Such a decision will literally rock the foundation of human society. Astronomy books will have to be reprinted, solar system models will have to be changed, and kids will grow up without the hope that even if you aren't as big or strong or pretty as the other children, you can still be the ninth planet in the solar system.
And who's to say it stops there… what if the International Astronomical Union then says that Mars isn't a planet or that the Earth isn't flat? What if they start telling us what we can watch on TV or when we can go outside? What if they star arranging marriages for us, loveless marriages based only on social standing or trying to make funny looking babies?
Pretty soon, the world will be ruled under the iron fist of the International Astronomical Union. I just can't let such a thing happen. That's why I refuse to acknowledge this most heinous ruling. If you ask me how many planets there are, the answer is going to be a resounding nine. If you look at my solar system model, there will be nine planets, and Pluto will be the biggest and baddest of them all.h="0"0" hei
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