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Don't Ever Forget your Emergency Repair Disk
by Kris on 10/17/2006 (0)

Saving your life, 1.44 megabytes at a time.
When I was but a wee lad, I received advice from the most unlikely of sources, advice that has helped me through my day-to-day life and suffice to say, I would probably be dead today if I hadn't followed it. The source of the advice? The Microsoft Windows installation program. The advice? Always have an Emergency Repair Disk handy, at all times.

So many people gloss over this simple message, not taking heed of the grave consequences if not followed. There is a reason Microsoft forces you to make one of these disks each time you install Windows and it's not so that they can drive up the price of floppy disks on the open market, though that would be an excellent idea. In Microsoft's infinite wisdom, or at least in their one-sided vision of ruling the world, they realized just how many uses an Emergency Repair Disk could have and how many more customers they could sell their bloatware to if these customers weren't dead.

The most obvious use for an Emergency Repair Disk is that if you have a crash and you can no longer boot into Windows, you can use it to fix startup files, master boot records, or almost anything else that is wrong. This is great but it is hardly the only useful use of such a disk.

Consider the story of young Daren Walker. Lost in the woods and starving, all hope seemed lost. As if that wasn't bad enough already, Daren inadvertently put himself between a mother bear and her cub and seemed to be their ideal next meal.

Fortunately Daren had spent the formative years of his youth installing and reinstalling Microsoft Windows, a task he deemed necessary because "my Window's keeps getting fucked up". Quickly he pulled out his Emergency Repair Disk and threw it at the bear. The disk lodged deep in the bear's throat and it die at Daren's feet. Daren then proceeded to use the metal guard on the disk to slice open the bear to make not only a delicious meal but also a very warm coat that he still wears to this day. And yes, in case you were wondering, the coat does smell horribly of rotten bear flesh.

For those of you that don't believe such an outlandish and clearly fictitious story, I will now tell you my very own personal survival tale, which is 100% true. I know it's true because I lived it and definitely did not just make it up to drive home a point in for this story. I was the lone survivor of a plane crash, now stranded all alone on a desert island. I was presumed dead by all, especially by my girlfriend who found comfort by having meaningless sex with many anonymous partners. All I had with me were the closes on my back and the Emergency Repair Disk in my pocket.

I spent the next two years living on that island. Besides it's obvious use as a tool and a deadly weapon, the Emergency Repair Disk also provided me with companionship. I named him Wilson, after my favorite Home Improvement character, and painted a face on him with my blood. I'm sure I would have gone crazy had I not had a good friend like Wilson with me each day and night.

How I found my way off that island or my many run-ins with the angry natives or the dinosaurs that had been secretly bioengineered by an eccentric millionaire seeking to develop the world's gre


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