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Crazed Toddler Womps Playmate, To Be Tried As Adult
by Mark on 11/7/2006 (0)

Daiva Hassa Hoff! Moooo!
BERLIN, ND - Recalcitrant 2 year old Berlin, North Dakota, resident Shatzi Kleinschimdt was recently charged with felonious assault with a deadly weapon after womping 4 year old playmate Lyssa Honeycutt over the head with a plastic baseball bat early Monday.

"This is an ugly, ugly situation, to say the least." Pondered arresting Berlin trooper Johnny Beaufort. "Don't be fooled by the the kid's innocent little blue eyes and cutsie little Sponge Bob underwear, this kids a killer...get em' now, or they'll grow up and get you later, that's what I say!"

Indeed, in a national trend of violence smacking of virtual juvenile implosion, the former 18 year old adult/juvenile age bar has been lowered year after year, starting first with 16 year olds who committed murder being tried as adults in the 80's and 90's, and 14 year olds and even younger being tried as adults today. Is this trend merely a sign of the times, or just the Draconian spawn of overzealous prosecutors insanely eager to fix responsibility and blame on ever younger children? Little Shatzi Kleinschmidt did not think so, or even care to.

"How do you plead, Mr. Kleinschmidt?"

Shatzi blurped, burped and bubbled, grabbed the court reporter by the hair and let out a gleefully innocuous 'heeee!'

"My client pleads not guilty, you're honor, and may I request a 15 minute recess for counsel and a diaper change?"

If convicted, Shatzi faces 3 years in juvenile detention. Shatzi's mom, Helga, absurdly pshawed off the entire incident, citing "Who cares! He'll get out just in time for Kindergarten, and his crib has bars on it anyway. Fire away!"0"


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