on 12/12/2002 (10)
Like many other people from across the galaxy, I often sit around and ponder the intricacies of life itself. Much of what I come up with is not large thoughts, but simple observations and comments. Below are some such comments from the deep, dark recesses of my mind. While some may seem crude, there is a grain of truth hidden deep inside the chocolate cookie center of each of these little gumdrop treats.
I'm all about making a good first impression. Whenever I meet someone new, I tell them how my urge to kill has been significantly reduced by the large amounts of alcohol I now consume on a daily basis. I think it takes a lot of the tension out of meeting new people, and let's them know that the chances that I kill them isn't that great.
Sometimes when I see a car parked in the parking lot, I wish that another car would come by and just plow into it. I think that would be funny.
Eggnog should be sold all year round. It's so good, why the hell not?
There is a comedian going around telling how he thinks there should be a Survivor series set in a bad neighborhood. That was my idea first! How dare he steal my idea, I'm so angry that I could drive into a parked car.
If it can't be fixed with a hammer, it can't be fixed.
They say "Everybody Loves Raymond" but I suspect that not everyone does.
I think they should make a sequel to Titanic, called Titanic 2: The Revenge. It would star the original cast from Cheers as the crew of the Titanic and William Shatner as the evil space warlord Zorgot who is from space and wants to use the Titanic's super-laser to destroy Canada. In the end, no one would care and Canada would be destroyed.
Hell can't be all that bad... it's warm, and it's not Kentucky.
When our wicked plant masters finally take power of this world, no one will be able to stop them, not even Hercules, son of Zeus.
I know they make 1,000 horsepower cars, but how about 2,000 horsepower cars? Do they make those?
Sony should skip making the Playstation 3 and go right to the Playstation 4. Playstation 4 just sounds a lot more advanced, who would want a Playstation 3 when you could go and buy a Playstation 4?
A fast food chain that sold nothing but Corn Nuts would be sweet.
Sometimes I pretend the wall is Big Bird and I punch it over and over again. Then I pass out from a loss of blood. The pain is temporary, but the glory is forever.
When I was a kid, I often wondered what the world would be like if it were covered completely in water and everyone lived on makeshift rafts. Then I saw the movie Waterworld and realized that it would suck.
As good as it sounds, chocolate cake and nacho cheese do not go well together.
As a rule of thumb, I try not to light myself on fire unless there are large crowds around who would find it enjoyable.
If I had a million dollars, I would make a thirty-foot tall replica of the Moon, then spend all day standing by it. Whenever someone walked by, I would point and go "Look, a thirty-foot tall replica of the Moon!" Then I would try to convince them it was made out of cheese, and laugh at them when they try to eat it and realize it's plaster.
I often suspect the reason that man moved out of caves is because of the bats. Bats are very scary.
Pirates were vicious killers. It seems wrong that Disney so freely promotes the "Pirates of the Caribbean"... or does it?
I think I would make a good cult leader. I don't think I would be skilled at setting up the cult, but I feel that were I to come into power of a cult that had previously been founded, I could do a good job leading said cult.
I often wish that surfing was more popular in my home state of Michigan.
Baseball would be more exciting if it was played by giant robots made out of smaller mini-robots.
Sometimes in class, I tell my friends t
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