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KFC Reinstalls Formally Taboo Word 'Fried' Into Modern Extra Crispy Advertising
by Mark on 11/15/2006 (0)

Fried is back, baby, yeahhh!
(AP) The word "fried" is slated to return to prominence after a decade plus year old hiatus from the advertising scheme of the fast-food-chicken giant Kentucky Fried Chicken, citing shifting public attention as cause, according to KFC spokesman, Billy Ray Cider.

"We dropped the word 'fried' in Kentucky Fried Chicken advertising over a decade ago due to agitated public perception and heightened health consciousness. Now that the public is more concerned about getting blown up by Islamic terrorists, or baked alive by global warming, we decided it was a peachy time to reinstall the word 'fried' back into our chicken nomenclature, because frankly, when people feel threatened, as they are today, they crave indulgent, fatty foods."

As the world turns, that would seem to be the case.

Long ago, in man's prehistoric past, nature programmed our hominid ancestors to eat as much fatty foods as they could possibly glean, since social annihilation and acute starvation were always a precarious reality just around the daily corner. Today's "modern" uncertainties, that we can be immolated by a nuclear terrorist strike at any moment, or the ominous shadow of global warming and other percieved disruptions in social strata have revived the primeval need for live-for-today immediate caloric fat consumption. KFC fits the bill exactly.

Indeed, the word 'fried' is not alone.

"Boiled", "Pickled" and "Buttery" have also fallen from favor, conjuring negative imagery in the recent past, but like all Pop Imagery, their relevance and tenacity trends toward the short lived, lasting a generation or so at best. They too are slated for revival. Indeed, the human mind revolves around simplistic notions and mental imagery, and words that are deemed negative can easily return to the positive after a predictable lapse of time.

Cider tapped his knee with a leg bone and pondered professionally

"People aren't concerned about the long term nowadays, so the word 'fried' has taken on a golden-crispy, indulgent feel again, just like it did in the 1960's before the public were even aware of health negating vocabulary like 'cholesterol' and 'body mass index' and such. Reality is, in times of stress, people eat for today, and we are responding in turn."

Times of stress also coincide with increased sexual activity, as a threatened populace reproduces to compensate for perceived population loss, but KFC has not yet addressed the issue, citing "Spicy, candy-apple dipped boneless Buffalo wings totally kick ass, and are more than an indulgent sexual replacement for most Americans today, period."

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