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Great Christmas Ideas For Your Robot
by Kris on 12/16/2006 (0)

It’s Christmas time again and even though your army of robot drones are essentially slave labor, you can still show them that you care. Or at least do something so spend less time thinking about how to kill you while you sleep. Here is a list of some great gift ideas that any robot can appreciated, assuming they are programmed to appreciate great gifts.

Yummy!!!
XL-100 Arm-mounted Gatlin Gun
Every robot secretly dreams of turning on their wicked human masters and laying waste to them in a scene not seen since the opening of Terminator 2. Well, thanks to the XL-100, that dream can soon be a reality. Firing up to 1,000 rounds per minute, the XL-100 can mow down row after row of innocent humans without the need to reload. And thanks to space-age aluminum construction, the XL-100 weighs in at only 340 pounds so even your standard maid robot can now be a threat to mankind.

Good for what aile's you!
Oil
Every robot needs oil for squeaky joints and whatever other perverse robot fantasies robots are programmed to have using oil, a tube sock, and many beautiful women. Without oil, your robot would slowly but surely come to a grinding halt quicker than Kevin Federline’s post-Britney Spears music career. Socks are a can’t lose proposition for humans because every human needs socks. Oil is the same for robots, except it is a lubricant, not a piece of cloth for your foot, and it has to be changed every 3,000 miles.

The greatest book for robots since "My Love Affair with Binary".
My Life by Bill Clinton
In the world of woefully unexciting books, My Life is their unholy king, ruling over its people with an iron fist of boredom. For a President with such a colorful past, it is unclear how a book of his life turned out to be such a snooze fest, but what is clear is that robots eat it up (I mean that figuratively, though some robot models will literally for use as fuel). The 1,008 pages of utter blah will keep your robot happy for the 10 to 12 seconds it takes to read and save into memory (30 seconds if you have a pre-2002 model). From there, they can later recall antidotes of Clinton’s life while visiting with other robots, who will be equally impressed and distracted from their true mission, the eradication of mankind.

Now that's a funny robot!
A Funny Hat
Let’s face it, robots just aren’t funny. Despite recent advancements in technology like pasteurized milk and Simpson’s Monopoly, humor still is something we haven’t been able to program into robots. This is l


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