Microsoft purchases the Moon
on 12/24/2002 (6)
Recent reports coming out of Redmond, Washington, have indicated that Microsoft has recently purchased the Moon for $4.3 million. This comes as a shock to many, as most were unaware that the Moon was actually for sale and even fewer were aware who the Moon could be purchased from.
|Just by looking at this picture, you owe Bill Gates $11. |
"I had no idea it was for sale" commented planet collector James VonJim. VonJim makes it his hobby to collect various planets from among the galaxy. Current planets in his collection include Jupiter, Uranus, and a selection of other less prominent planets. "While I usually only collect planets, I probably would have put a bid in for the moon."
"Since the Moon was discovered in the mid 1990's, man has yearned to own it," commented Microsoft founder Bill Gates. "We at Microsoft also figured that since we already effectively control the Earth, taking over the Moon would be the next logical step." Microsoft's initial plan for the Moon will be a subscription plan for viewing it, limiting viewing of the Moon to only those who have subscribed.
"For too many years, people have been freeloading and looking at the Moon for no cost" commented Gates. "What we'd like to do is began a yearly subscription plan for the Moon. Basically, if you'd like to look upon the Moon, you'll have to register your house with Microsoft and pay a hefty subscription fee. Should you decide to move, you will have to then close your subscription at your previous residence and open a new account for your new home. This will prevent people from unlawfully looking upon the Moon, something that has been a problem for the past fifteen years."
Public reaction has been mixed on this announcement. Many feel that Microsoft has the full rights to charge for viewing the Moon while others feel that since it has always been free, it should stay free.
"I find it hard to believe that someone can actually own the Moon," commented local cynic Doug Sampson, "and even worse, I can't believe they have the nerve to charge people to see it. It's a natural occurrence, it's just not right. The Moon should be free to all."
"It costs a lot to run and advertise for the Moon" said a different, poorly dressed man. "Microsoft is just trying to break even on the Moon. I don't understand why people think they should be able to gaze upon it whenever they want, and then expect Microsoft to foot the bill."
|The Moon |
© 2002 Microsoft Corporation
While some public opinion is quite negative towards Microsoft's plans, there is little they can do about it. "We own the Moon" said Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer, "Right or wrong, people have to live with it. No one is more powerful than Microsoft, we can do whatever we want."
Those in opposition of this move have appealed to the United States Government to step in and stop this transaction, citing that no one can own the Moon and Bill Gates is an evil, power-hungry reincarnation of Satan himself. "I resent being called power-hungry" commented Gates upon hearing these comments.
Official word from the Government on this issue is that the United States is currently not in the position to feasibly fight a company as powerful as Microsoft. "As much as we would like to put an end to this terrible company," President George Bush commented at a recent press conference, "our military resources are already spread too thin between the War on Terror, my personal war on Iraq, and the Christmas pl
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