University of Arizona Scientists Blame President Bush for Extinction of Dinosaurs
on 2/13/2007 (9)
The most popular theories for the end of dinosaurs some 65 million years ago have revolved around a meteor striking earth, volcanic activity, or a global climate change caused by one of the aforementioned disasters. Scientists out of the University of Arizona have added another possible cause to this bucket of catastrophic extinction, current President George W. Bush.
|What'd you do?!?|
Dr. Jay Mellon, a University of Arizona scientist, self-proclaimed ‘righteous dude' and friend to squirrels everywhere, presented his finding before a shocked crowd Monday that had gather with the promise of big news and free booze.
"I can say with a ninety percent certainly that George Bush was in fact the reason that dinosaurs are no longer living on Earth today," said Dr. Mellon. "I am not entirely sure how this is possible but we have millions, maybe even billions, of years worth of evidence to sort through and I have no doubt we can make a connection."
Ever since Al Gore lost the Presidential election to Bush, Dr. Mellon and his diligent team of flying monkeys have been hard at work to "knock that bastard down a peg". Over the past six years, they have attempted to blame Bush for Hurricane Katrina, steroids in baseball, and Rocky V, but the recent dinosaur allegation is the only one that appears to have any merit.
"We just kept throwing out ideas until something stuck," said Dr. Mellon. "When no one could prove Bush didn't kill the dinosaurs, we knew it must be true and decided to go public with our harsh but fair allegations which we may or may not ever be able to backup with any scientific proof."
When asked why he was so determined to blame Bush for the end of dinosaurs despite a lack of evidence and the fact that Bush wasn't even alive until millions of years after their extinction, Dr. Mellon unleashed a brilliant display of deductive reasoning that was so sound in it's logic that nary a critic could effectively argue otherwise.
"Just look at all the stuff Bush is responsible for already… the failure of the War on Iraq and subsequent worldwide anti-American sentiment, the inability to capture Osamba Bin Laden, poor quality education in many inner-city schools, the Medicare crisis, Coke 2. The list goes on and on. If all these other things are Bush's fault, it's pretty obvious that the extinction of dinosaurs is his fault too."
In a strange twist of irony, President Bush's approval rating actually went up 2% following these allegations. There are even rumors that typically low-key Vice President Dick Chaney uttered a single "alright" when he saw the new approval ratings. Early indications seem to show the increase in Bush's popularity is due to the respect and fear Americans have for a man that could single-handedly put an end to an entire species of giant lizards.n./tds/
page has been viewed 6275 times