Britney Spears Shaves Head At Request of Zombie Overlord
on 2/18/2007 (59)
Los Angeles, California - Former pop princess turned scanky ho Britney Spears was seen this past weekend in a tattoo parlor in the San Fernando Valley with her head shaved completely bald.
|The G.I. Jane look is so 1997.|
Angelique Uram, a Spears fan who stood on the tattoo parlor's sidewalk for Friday night's spectacle, was aghast at the singer's new look.
"We could see her in the mirror, and her head is completely shaved," she told local television station KABC. "It looks terrible. Though by seeing her reflection, we've been able to confirm she's not a vampire as previously suspected so it's not all bad news."
Initially thought as a tribute to NBA great Charles Barkley, a man Spears once described as "bald", recent witness reports show that the new haircut has more to do with zombies than basketball players.
"Britney has always been very fearful of zombies," said Spear's former hubbie and huge douche bag Kevin Federline. "She used to sprinkle garlic all around our bed and she would never wander into a cemetery after dark unless it was for a really kick ass party."
Zombies have been one of the greatest threats to mankind throughout recorded history. Residing primarily in cemeteries and abandoned shopping malls, Zombies are undead creatures that feast off of the flesh of the living. Zombies aren't smart but they are relentless in their pursuit of a warm meal.
A close friend of Spears reported that the zombie overlord Zimbado, ruler of the zombie nation of west Los Angeles, had meet with Britney early in the week and demanded she atone for her recent partying and sloppy behavior.
"Britney got pretty drunk one night and toilet papered a cemetery," said the friend. "The zombies didn't take that very lightly and demanded she do something demeaning as retribution less they eat her children. Since she had already married Kevin Federline, shaving off her hair was the second most demeaning thing she could do."
Neither Larry Rudolph, Spears' manager, or zombie overlord Zimbado could be reached for comment.0"
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