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House Wins Big
by Kris on 4/9/2007 (0)

This certainly doesn't look like the kind of guy that would take your money.
They say every dog has it's day and that's just happen finally happened to one Las Vegas Casino. After posting modest earnings of $545 billion in 2006, this particular casino, wishing to remain nameless for fear of IRS repercussions, hit a stretch of good luck that most surely will increase profits in 2007.

"You're always hearing about people winning big at casinos," said the manager of said lucky casino. "As the old saying goes, Las Vegas was built on winners."

But for once, the common consumer lost and the impoverished casino prevailed.

Blackjack dealer and part-time bellhop Teddy Nelson lead the charge as the casino took dollar after dollar from shocked patrons, drunken on free booze and expecting nothing less than doubling their nest egg.

"It was a sight to behold," said Bob Smith, a vacationer from Texas who was lucky enough not to get involved in Teddy's path of financial destruction. "When the gamblers had 19, the dealer had 20. When the gamblers had 20, the dealer had 21. I'd say the dealer had to have been cheating if I didn't know the principles of honesty and integrity that this town was built on."

That night, Teddy single handedly emptied the wallets of over 20 patrons, many of whom would later contemplate suicide rather than break the news to their significant other that they had lost everything.

"When you go to Vegas, you don't expect to leave empty handed," said one of these such unlucky gamblers. "I even built a new garage for the Viper I planned to win, now I'll probably have to sell off the entire house so that some big guy named Dano doesn't break my legs."


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