Prince Arrested for Kissing Sleeping Princesses
on 4/12/2007 (0)
In one of the most elaborate sting operations this week, police were able to bring to justice the man they referred to as "the Kissing Prince". The Kissing Prince had terrorized the Kingdom for over four years, kissing all manners of sleeping princesses and causing countless restless nights for fathers of sleeping Princesses.
"It takes a really sick and twisted individual to kiss a sleeping, often time comatose, Princess," said lead detective Todd Connors.
"I was passed out after eating a poisonous apple, just like I always do," said one local Princess. "I woke up to find some stranger's lips on mine, it was the most horrifying thing I've seen since the Brittany Spears Barbershop Massacre."
There are literally four other tales just like this and two others similar in nature. A seventh story has nothing to do with this and will not be mentioned. Each previously mentioned story involved a nefarious plot to impression a Princess in her own sleep for all of eternity and each time, the plot was interrupted by the Kissing Prince.
"We couldn't let this continue, it was only a matter of time before the Kissing Prince would start slipping in the tongue and that could spell disaster for our G-Rated world," said Connors. "Plus the evil witches were starting to get pissed and let me tell you from many years of being married to an evil witch, you really don't want to piss them off."
Using one of their younger female officers posing as sleeping Princess who had accidentally ingested one too many over the counter pain medications, the police were able to catch the kisser in the act. Using moderate to excessive force (including but not limited to tasers and pepper spray), they brought the Kissing Prince to custody and saved an entire kingdom.
The man was identified as Sir Valliant the Brave, one of the mightiest and noblest of Princes in the land. Some of this most notable accomplishments including the slaying of four dragons, defeating the Black Knight, and being voted "Best Hair in the Land" for three years running.
The motivation for kissing all the sleeping Princesses seems unclear, especially given that a man of Sir Valliant's stature could simply have any woman he wanted. The Prince claimed he was searching for his one true love that had been fortold to him in a vision by a homeless blind man. She was said to be a sleeping Princess that could only be awakened by his kiss. The police have dismissed this explanation as "total bullshit".
Sir Valliant is facing six counts of criminal sexual behavior, punishable by banishment to a far away land, life in a secluded dungeon, or by being transformed into a frog. The Prince's father, King Bob the Overcritical, is reportedly "very disappointed in his son" and is considering leaving his thrown to his second child, Sir Allen the Unworthyone">
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